1st MRI of 2011

I had my first MRI of 2011. Will not know any results until later. I really hate MRI's. They have to drug me up on Zanex (Xanex) to stick me in this tight tube for 2 hours listening to pinging and banging noises. Just so they can look at my brain. Then I have to wait for any information from my doctor, so I just have to sit and wait. Are there more lesions, are there less? Where are they, are they causing my fatigue, pain, numbness or memory loss??

No matter what, I just continue to live my life day by day. I am not a religious person but I always rely on the statement that: "god does not give you anything you can not handle." This disease has taught me patience and strong will. No matter how much someone tries to understand, unless you have to live with this, you never will. So, just because you see a smile on my face, does not mean I am doing okay. My mother has taught me to hide my feelings, because lets face it, most people do not care "how you really are."

I worry everyday that I will wake up and not be able to walk or see or hear or talk. Will I be able to write or communicate? What will people think if I have to start walking with a cane? I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want understanding. Not everyone with this disease is feeble. Just because I can't remember a word, or a name doesn't make me stupid. I don't want to see pity and I don't want to be ignored due to ignorance on someone else's part. I am me and I will ALWAYS be me.

On a lighter subject I am totally going to try and get a copy of my MRI. I will totally post it here, look for the title: "This is your brain on MS" :)