This is your brain on MS

Let me start this by saying this is not my brain image. The processes of getting my records is well, tedious and I wanted to update my blog prior to having to wait. So, I have "borrowed" an image from the internet and hope that I do not get sued. :)

So, the doctor's appointment was pretty boring for the most part, but we did find 2 more lesions. **note: let me preface this by saying I am not a doctor nor do I play one on tv** I choose to educate myself on this stupid disease so that I am aware of what is happening to me. The first lesion (upper left region) is located close (really) close to the frontal lobe. For those who are interested, your frontal lobe controls "planning, emotional control center and home of your personality, motor functions, problem solving, memory..etc you can read more here. So, my doctor and I agreed that it was a good thing it wasn't there. BUT it is VERY close. :( Now this is what is causing my myoclonus, which is basically involuntary twitching. I noticed a few months ago that my left arm and neck would jerk randomly. (think when your eye twitches).

Next, in the lower right corner of the picture is another small lesion in the Occipital Lobe which processes visual data. So naturally my doctor questioned me about vision problems. Which I have had none (that I recall). I do get the squiggly lines in my vision, but those have been there for years and my eye doctor told me it was from having dry eyes and a stigma. Now occasionally I see (what seems like) movement in my peripheral vision (so maybe I see dead people) who knows. :) So, we are keeping an eye (sorry for the pun) on that lesion.

So whats all this mean. Well, in my doctor's mine he wanted to put me on a steroid treatment right away and I basically told him "NO"! He agrees that these symptoms could go away by themselves and that is what we are going to do. Now he did prescribe me clonazepam; this medicine is an anti-seizure med to help stop the muscle jerks. (so far so good). So now is a waiting game to make sure it works and the lesion disappear. I have another appointment in about 6 months follow another MRI to see that there are no more lesions and that these lesions have gone away. I will keep you updated.

1st MRI of 2011

I had my first MRI of 2011. Will not know any results until later. I really hate MRI's. They have to drug me up on Zanex (Xanex) to stick me in this tight tube for 2 hours listening to pinging and banging noises. Just so they can look at my brain. Then I have to wait for any information from my doctor, so I just have to sit and wait. Are there more lesions, are there less? Where are they, are they causing my fatigue, pain, numbness or memory loss??

No matter what, I just continue to live my life day by day. I am not a religious person but I always rely on the statement that: "god does not give you anything you can not handle." This disease has taught me patience and strong will. No matter how much someone tries to understand, unless you have to live with this, you never will. So, just because you see a smile on my face, does not mean I am doing okay. My mother has taught me to hide my feelings, because lets face it, most people do not care "how you really are."

I worry everyday that I will wake up and not be able to walk or see or hear or talk. Will I be able to write or communicate? What will people think if I have to start walking with a cane? I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want understanding. Not everyone with this disease is feeble. Just because I can't remember a word, or a name doesn't make me stupid. I don't want to see pity and I don't want to be ignored due to ignorance on someone else's part. I am me and I will ALWAYS be me.

On a lighter subject I am totally going to try and get a copy of my MRI. I will totally post it here, look for the title: "This is your brain on MS" :)