Sorrow

I came to terms with this disease years ago. I knew that hours, days, weeks would come that I would not be able to do certain things. But it still hurts. I spent the evening with some friends at a BBQ and some swimming, got to sleep in this morning, yet I feel like I have been hit my a freight train. I really need to get off this couch and just do anything, but I can't.

When something major happens is your life you go through stages. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, & finally Acceptance.) I have been through these, I feel like I may have skipped some. Anger, depression and acceptance I remember. There was no denial, there was just too much "proof". I feel like I have been bargaining for years on a daily basis with this disease. There is so much stuff to do and so little time to do it, it seems. I feel bad when I can't do things with friends or family and I feel like I miss out on so much. Maybe I will get off this couch sometime today.